Hot chocolate, a blazing fire, lots of tiny white lights on trees. I’ve been craving coziness in all forms, and trying to find the coziness in things I’d never considered before. Like, for instance, sitting in the car in a curbside pickup slot, the heater blowing, waiting for the grocery order. Then driving home in my little black Outlander, feeling happy about its hatch full of food (and more chocolate.)
I don’t go far afield, as Mom isn’t doing well. The cancer’s back and it’s taking its toll on her ability to walk, and her strength and even ability to focus much of the time. I knew it was going to come to this eventually, saw it a few times before with friends and family. Don’t get me wrong, things are going as well as they can, which isn’t very well, but nonetheless in a natural, expected way. Mostly I try to keep her cozy and comfortable, then recharge with as much coziness as I can muster for myself.
Last weekend I built a wheelchair ramp, or more accurately built out a landing over the steps from the family room door in the garage, onto which a 10-foot-long portable ramp could rest. Sometimes I cried while I worked, other times I swore, but it was very cathartic. Mom was pleased, said my grandpa the master carpenter would have been proud. I used his hammer. Hugged it when I started working, asked his spirit to help me as I wasn’t entirely certain I knew what I was doing. It turned out okay, isn’t going to collapse and has actually been useful in unexpected ways. Hoisted a cognac to his memory when I finished. Very cozy, cognac. He would have agreed.
Naturally, after four days of working on the ramp I didn’t get around to a lot of holiday decorating. I mean, the tree’s up, with lots of lights, but only one ornament, my granddaughter’s. A lighted garland on the mantel, my solstice branch on the kitchen window, some holiday table linens, and that’s about it. Did a little extra in Mom’s apartment, where she can appreciate it from where she spends her days and nights.
Sometimes less is more cozy, if you know what I mean. And add a nice fat marshmallow to my hot chocolate.